Author Subject 
ShortyMST3K
The Ultimate Reg!
posts: 87
(2/24/01 4:02:15 pm)
Reply
 Shorty Holmes and Dr. Macston (TPCG short)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Somewhere in London lives a man.

A man with the power to solve crimes and complete jigsaws.

And his well wicked assitant.

[SHORTY HOLMES' office. SHORTY sits at his desk smoking a pipe. MACSTON looks worried.]

MACSTON[faked english accent until otherwise noted]: Really Holmes, this new Green Gargoyle on the loose in the streets of London rounding up all the newbies and doing disgusting things to them and all YOU can do is smoke tabacco.
SHORTY[faked english accent until otherwise noted]: Who says this is tabacco?! It's sweet, sweet acid*! *takes another drag* That's it, baby, kill the pain...

* = Note for all you innocents, acid is a slang name for LSD.

MACSTON: Drugs, Holmes, have you gone mad?!
SHORTY: No, but now I'm coming doooooown!!! *goes mental and starts chewing at MACSTON's shoes*

[Suddenly AMI THE PROPER LADY runs in.]

AMI[posh]: Shorty Holmes! Shorty Holmes! Doth need of your services!
MACSTON: Beg pardon, madam?
AMI[commoner]: I need 'elp, innit!
SHORTY[stops being mental]: Well, well, who's his then Macston? *kisses AMI's hand*
AMI[posh]: *giggles* Oh, Mr. Holmes!
MACSTON[in his regular furry accent]: Oh fer gawds sake! *takes out a "Playfancharacter" magazine which has a large picture of a nude Artie on it* Ew!!!
SHORTY: Tell me, what is the matter, my dear.
AMI[commoner]: Ya seeee... Me and Lil were 'elping Anony daan(down) the market, right? And then we saw this great big wossname in the sky! Soon as it had disappeared all the newbies were gone, as well!
SHORTY: I see! Dr. Macston! To the market!
MACSTON: Yes, Mr. Holmes!

[THE MARKET. SHORTY and MACSTON are looking around.]

MACSTON: There's nothing here, Mr. Holm--

[Suddenly a large winged creature from above swings in.]

WINGED CHARACTER: Heehheeheh!! I am the Green Gargoyle!
SHORTY: Don't you mean, the "Green Goblin"?
WING CHARACTER: No, Marvel Comic has the copyrighted. [flies away to another stand.]
SHORTY: Quickly, Macston, we must follow him!

[At the stand. H HOG THE MECHANIC, JAMIE THE NEWBIE and DREADKNUXTER THE CHIMNEY SWEEP are all tied up together.]

JAMIE: I guess this the end, guys. Well, at least I had a nice 5 minutes at TPCG.
H HOG: Don't worry! I have a plan.
[Pause]
JAMIE: Well?
H HOG: Nah, I don't really, I just said that to cheer you up, like.
DREADKNUXTER: Were doomed! Were doomed!
WINGED CHARACTER: *flies in* Hehheheeh!! Hello, my pretties! Time to be Newbie supper!
SHORTY: *bursts in* Not so fast!
JAMIE: Shorty Holmes! Yay!
SHORTY: *smiles to what seems to we the camera* Give it up, winged creature-whom-I-haven't-named-yet! *pulls off the winged creatures mask* 

[all gasp]

ALL BUT W.C: RICHARD NIXON!!
SHORTY: Waait, this is another mask! *pulls off mask*

[all gasp]

ALL BUT W.C: SHORTY HOLMES!!
SHORTY: HUH?! This is just another mask! *pulls off mask*

[all gasp]

ALL BUT W.C: TL ECHIDNOYLE!!
TL: Yeah, and I would of gotten away with it if it wasn't for those pesky kids!
SHORTY: Well, the day is saved and--
TL: Not so fast.

[5 minutes later. TL has tied up SHORTY and MACSTON as well.]

MACSTON: As days go, Mr. Holmes this ones treating us like fuck.

[SMASH! Someone jumps through the sky line! It's DANGER LIL!]

ALL BUT DL: Danger Lil?!
LIL: It's me, Danger Lil!
SHORTY: Omigod, Lil's a super hero!
MACSTON: And you can see her BREASTS! ^_^
SHORTY: *Smack!* Don't be so filthy, Macston!
LIL: And now, I'm here I'll--
SONKNUCK[out of view]: HOLD IT! Hold it!

[Back to reality. SHORTY is showing SONKUCK, LIL, MAC and RIOCHET his book.]

SONKNUCK: When you said you were going to show us that book you said it wouldn't end with Lil becoming a tarty Danger Girl rip off! And what happened?!
SHORTY[mumbled]: Lil became a tarty Danger Girl rip off.

[SONKNUCK storms out. LIL approaches SHORTY.]

LIL: Yeah! Don't do that again!
SHORTY: Sowwy.
MAC: *walking away with LIL* Hey, you wouldn't--
LIL: Not in your wildest dreams...
MAC: Dang.

[RIOCHET finally approaches SHORTY]

RIOCHET: Don't worry Shorty, I would say I thought your book was pretty cool.
SHORTY: Really?
RIOCHET: That's what I *WOULD* of said, if I were in it. *walks off*
SHORTY: *sigh* Aw, well, back to my Tenchi Muyo meets Sonic the Hedgehog crossover...

[throws book in bin]

THE END